November 13, 2015

There's a storm in my heart

So finally I've decided to share everything here, let it out everything that holds me back.
 It's like a nightmare that keeps coming every night and a shadow that refused to leave..
Since I was kid, I've been told that I'm a shy girl. Dia macam somebody told me "Rumaizah, you're a shy girl. So behave like that."
At first I thought it was a good thing so I ikut jela.
But then bila dah besar I started to realised that it wasn't a good thing. 
Being an introvert will hold you back from achieving something wonderful or maybe even your dreams.
So I decided to change that, I mula cari kawan baru and got few..
We went out and all she got was a krik krik from me..bukan sepanjang masa but most of the time..idk,maybe tak comfortable sebab she brought her friends along. I balik but I can say that tak distracted sangat with that. I'm sure she will understand.
And then I went out with another friend, the same thing happened because of the same reason. Haha. Funny isn't it?
Tried to change but I failed every second of it.
And this time tbh I am so distracted! 
This might sounds stupid but I cried all night,mad at myself.
And recently..well actually yesterday I went out with one of the most special people in my life. 
And macam biasa the same thing happened..yay! =( 

I tried actually,bagi response and all..tapi selalunya ada 2 je..
whether people tak dapat tangkap our jokes (i suka buat lawak actually lol) and tetiba the conversation benti kat situ je. KRIK KRIK.
And the other one hurm I tak dapat peluang nak cakap haha sounds funny but true. Tak elok kan menyampuk haha tapi dengan keluarga bonda and roommates selamber je menyampuk coz once I dah mula rasa selesa I tak bleh stop cakap lewlz

And yeah last night was so hard, cant sleep..cried a bit..dah lama tak nangis,kadang2 kena jugak..sebab when 'that thing' happened pun I didnt shed a tears, so last night macam all together la,disappointments and all those negative feelings I kept before..
And Alhamdulillah, Allah sent me someone who made me forgot about that..
we're texting till 3.30am! Lol first time kot berjaga sebab nak whatsapp..haha
But nvm coz I'm happy that I tak rasa alone that night.

But whatever it is, I'm still proud of myself..
Walaupun kena going through disappointments, I'm still here standing, faking a smile. =)